I have always loved you, even before I understood how complex and multifaceted you are. You take on so many forms – personal journal-writing, poetry, song-writing, authoring, blogging and so much more.
As a young teen, your poetic form appealed to me in a way that was surprising. I don’t think I really understood you – the effect of being wet-behind-the-ears, I suppose. I thought that it was only through poetry that one could showcase their love and talent for writing and as such, I just threw myself in that mix. It was great for a while but, truth be told, poetry was never my niche. I think it was my way of trying to show my depth in a way that was acceptable to the world according to the standards of that time and the people I was around. This belief changed, as many things do with age. I came to the realization that not everyone needs to be Shakespearean to be taken seriously and considered skilled or to “have a way with words”.
Enter personal journal-writing and therapeutic writing. I think I was about 16 or 17 when this on-again-off-again relationship with this therapeutic form of you. You became my safe-place; my shrink, my serenity, my best friend and really just my everything. I could be the truest form of me, with my guard down and no fear of judgement of any kind. You still play this role in my life, although, I must be honest, I don’t use you in this way as much anymore – must be the fear that somehow creeps up on you and attaches itself to you as you get older. The pure freedom that we all have as a default setting when we’re born having slowly but surely faded. Regardless of the fear, you are still a part of me, an integral part that I can never erase.
As a result, I took another route – the journalism route. You, writing – my love and touching the lives of people – my other love. Studying journalism made you change drastically. You stopped being just a friend but became a great tool and you became more formal and academic. I had to start using you objectively, with a clear and pre-determined purpose rather than going with the flow and seeing where you would take me. For the longest time I didn’t use you in a personal capacity, but it didn’t much matter – as you were still close to me.
Towards the end of my degree, I spoke to the general manager from DSTV Online as well as another senior lady who works there about you. The advice I was given was to blog to get a feel for you, writing, in a less academic way but rather a more real and practical way. My heart almost stopped at the thought of sharing you, one of the biggest parts of me, with the world that way. However, I wanted and still want to know you in a professional way one day so I rolled with it.
And I’m still rolling with it despite not knowing where this love affair is going and what fruits it might bear one day. All I know is that I love you, unconditionally, whole-heartedly and now in a way that’s more real and realistic than ever before. I’m going to keep you close and use you in as much as you will let me; to slay dragons, tell stories, help those in need and on the flipside, entertain people.
Thank you for always being here and for being the key to the success that I know we’ll one day unlock.
You are me, and I am you.
I love you always…